A warm hello to all the AM&M readers.
At present, I am going through a phase of great confusion and dilemma. The doubts are regarding my career, my future, what path should I choose and which direction should I head towards…. I am standing at that crucial point of my life where I must decide upon the broader aspects which would define my establishment.. And in order to put up a strong base for my career I need to tread upon it very carefully.. Should I enter my father’s business? Or should I go for further studies, get a job, and then establish my own business after a couple of years? It is pretty clear that I want to head my own enterprise, but the question is whether I should get some ideas through a Job first or should I enter the entrepreneur phase directly.. In order to get a job I’ll have to study for another couple of years and frankly, wasting time by making wrong decisions is something I cannot afford.. What if I don’t get a proper job even after doing MBA ?? College days will be over in a year and I will graduate with a Bachelor in Commerce degree. This surely is not enough and so I am also doing Company Secretaryship which too will take at least a year more (even longer if i decide to do MBA in between)..
All this confusion is seriously taking a toll on me.. I am already 20 and like any other dad, my father expects me to have a clear mindset regarding my career prospects. Thankfully, my parents have always given me more than enough space and encouragement to work towards the fields I chose.. I fear of letting my parents down.. Maybe I am being a bit too pessimistic. I know that they’ll be always happy with whatever I do and that gives me even more motivation to perform better..
Academic counselling has done no good so far and with time running out of my hands I am getting seriously desperate.. Moreover, education has become very expensive these days.. Investment of Lakhs of rupees is required in order to get a Master degree from a renowned institute..
I am reminded of a certain poem I read in my school days.. After Apple Picking by Robert Frost. It’s lines have always been stuck in a corner of my mind..
The poet in this poem is projected as an apple-picker.. Some lines that have touched me are:
“The scent of apples: I am drowsing off.
I cannot rub the strangeness from my sight
I got from looking through a pane of glass
I skimmed this morning from the drinking trough
And held against the world of hoary grass.
It melted, and I let it fall and break.”
The poet is describing a confused state of mind. The pane of glass is actually a sheet of ice through which he sees a foggy way ahead of him. Only after the ‘pane of glass’ falls and breaks from his hand the poet realizes that it was actually a sheet of ice.. Similarly, I am seeing my future through an unclear window.. And I am afraid and hope that I too do not have to wait to see my efforts break before I realize some bitter truth..
But the lines that affect me the most are:
“I am overtired
Of the great harvest I myself desired.
There were ten thousand thousand fruit to touch,
Cherish in hand, lift down, and not let fall.
That struck the earth,
No matter if not bruised or spiked with stubble,
Went surely to the cider-apple heap
As of no worth.
One can see what will trouble
This sleep of mine, whatever sleep it is.”
The poet is exhausted because of his own desires.. So many apples he had to pick and even if one fell on the ground, no matter whether it was bruised or not, it went into the heap of defected apples which went to the cider-press.. The apple-picker thinks whether his life has been good enough to be kept in the basket of good apples or whether his life too, just like the apples that fell on the ground, would be chucked into the heap of defected apples and forgotten as a useless one..
The poet’s thoughts represent my mindset very appropriately… Would I be able to lead a life that would set examples.. Or would I too, just like those apples that fell on the ground, would be forgotten as a useless one…….